WWE FASTLANE 2017
Sasha Banks v. Nia Jax – Sasha Banks.
Universal Championship. Owens v. Goldberg – Owens retains the Universal Championship, but championship, but Goldberg wins the match (by DQ or some other way).
Roman Reigns v. Braun Strowman – We’re pulling for Braun Strowman. But we fear that Roman Reigns will prevail due to the McMahon child’s disordered attraction to Roman Reigns. Roman Reigns.
Bayley v. Charlotte Flair (CF) – No one ever lost money betting on Charlotte Flair in a Championship match.
Samoa Joe v. Sami Zayn – They just brought up Samoa Joe. They will give him the victory to promote him
Neville v. Jack Gallagher – Neville, flyin’ high.
Gallows & Anderson v. Amore & Kass – Amore & Kass. Because you “can’t teach that.”
Swann and Tozawa v. Kendrick and Dar – Who are these people?
The Road to Wrestlemania continues with a pretty lame lineup for Elimination Chamber 2017.
DOLPH ZIGGLER v. APOLLO CREWS and KALISTO (Handicapped Match)
The premise of this match is ridiculous. We look forward to the ascension of Apollo Crews, but we think the writers want Ziggler to win. We pick Ziggler.
NIKKI BELLA v. NATALYA
They are trying to bring back Bella. We pick Bella.
SMACK DOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
We’re going with a dark horse – American Alpha
RANDY ORTON v. LUKE HARPER
RKO just won the ROYAL RUMBLE, as we predicted. They can’t possibly have him now lose to Harper, can they?! We pick RKO.
BECKY LYNCH v. MICKIE JAMES
They are trying to bring back Mickie James, also. We pick Mickie.
ELIMINATION CHAMBER – MAIN EVENT
Let’s go Cena – Cena sucks. We pick Cena.
THE ROYAL RUMBLE – 2017
Below is the card, and our picks, for the 2017 Royal Rumble
SHEAMUS and CESARO v. The BULLET CLUB (GALLOWS and ANDERSON)
We are picking Sheamus and Cesaro, who are, pound for pound, the most boring Tag Team in WWE.
NIA JAX v. SASHA BANKS
We’re going with Sasha Banks – not for any particular reason. We really don’t care who wins.
BLISS/JAMES/NATALYA v. LYNCH/BELLA/NAOMI
We’re picking the heels – Bliss, James, and Natalya. And would Natalya still be wrestling if she weren’t a Hart?
RICH SWAN v. NEVILLE
Neville. They should reinvigorate the high-flying acrobat.
CHARLOTTE v. BAYLEY
The crowd loves Bayley, but you can never go wrong betting on Charlotte. She’s a Flair.
KEVIN OWENS v. ROMAN REIGNS
Roman Reigns is supposed to be a Face, but gets booed; that says enough. Reigns lacks talent, ability, technique, and can barely talk. Maybe, he can join BIG SHOW in retirement.
STYLES v. CENA
Let’s Go Cena. He’s overdue for a PPV victory. This should be the best match of the night.
THE MAIN EVENT – THE ROYAL RUMBLE
Some possible “unannounced” entrants – SHINSUKE NAKAMURA, FINN BAYLOR, SAMOA JOE, SHANE McMAHON, ZACH RYDER.
Our pick to win – RKO (outta nowhere).
These predictions were posted before the event on our FB Page.
Predictions for Money in the Bank 2016:
Golden Truth v. Breezango – We don’t care.
Dudley Boyz v. Lucha Dragons – Dudley Boyz are fading fast. A win here would keep them relevant. We’re betting on the DB.
Apollo Cruise v. Sheamus – Remember when Sheamus was World Champion? That was a joke. Now, he’s fighting to remain relevant. Apollo Cruise is up and coming. We predict that Apollo cruises to a victory.
Ziggler v. Corbin – Could Drama Queen Ziggler possibly win this match? We don’t think so.
Charlotte and Dana Brooke v. Natalya and Becky Lynch – We are big fans of Becky Lynch. She actually has skills . But we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – Charlotte doesn’t lose. She’s Ric Flair’s daughter. (And she’s from Charlotte, NC, too).
Rusev v. Titus O’Neil – Rusev – formerly from Russia, now from Bulgaria – has lost his luster. But Vince McMahonChild doesn’t like Titus. So, we’re picking Rusev. But THIS is the United States Championship? How long until Cena regains it? We miss the Open Challenge.
Fatal 4 Way Tag Team – Enzo and Amore. The best runway entrance we’ve seen in a while. And you can’t teach that!
Money in the Bank – We’re picking Dean Ambrose. And we predict that he cashes in TONIGHT.
Cena v. Styles – Styles is coming off a PPV loss. We’re predicting he wins this, and then Cena comes back strong in Battleground and Summer Slam.
Reigns v. Rollins – Please end Roman’s reign. We predict Rollins after a three way, involving Ambrose (or whoever wins the MITB Ladder match). The Shield “reunites.” And RAW needs the return of Rollins’ brash and arrogant pontifications.
KICKOFF EVENT – UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP – Kalisto v. Ryback. Since when is the second most prestigious belt – the US Championship – on the Kickoff Show? And since when is it held by someone who is 5 feet, six inches tall? We predict Ryback. But where are Cena, Rollins and RKO? The product is suffering.
The MAIN EVENT is McMahon announcing who will take control of RAW – Stephanie or Shane McMahon. We predict neither. How about Daniel Bryan?
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP – We hope that the McMahon child can end his McMahon crush on Roman Reigns. End Roman’s Reign. AJ Styles seems too new and green to suddenly ascend to the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Sadly, we have to predict Reigns, but we are rooting for . . . anyone who wrestles Reigns.
WWE WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP – Charlotte v. Natalya. Charlotte doesn’t lose. She is Ric Flair’s daughter. Period.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP – The Miz v. Cesaro. Cesaro is, pound for pound, the most boring wrestler in the WWE. He has no shtick. The swing is lame. And The Miz is a washed up has-been. Can the Intercontinental Belt fall any lower? If they can’t both lose, we predict Cesaro. Bring back Zack Ryder!
SAMI ZAYN v. KEVIN OWENS – This will probably be the best match of the night. These NXT guys can wrestle. We predict Zayn will prevail.
AMBROSE v. JERICHO – We predict Ambrose, who deserves a belt.
ZIGGLER v. CORBIN – Ziggler is a mid-carder. Corbin is up and coming. Another NXT talent. We predict Corbin.
THE MAIN EVENT –THESE WILL BE THE MOST ELABORATE ENTRANCES OF THE NIGHT. OUR PREDICTION IS THAT SHANE AND THE TAKER WILL BATTLE IN THE CELL, AND THEN McMAHON WILL STEP IN – VINCE McMAHON, THAT IS. VINCE WILL APPEAR TO BE ON THE TAKER’S SIDE, THEN SWITCH TO SHANE’S SIDE, AND THE McMAHON’S –TOGETHER – DEFEAT THE TAKER.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP – TRIPLE H IS A HEEL, AND ROMAN REIGNS IS UNWORTHY OF ANYTHING BUT THE RING OF HONOR CHAMPIONSHIP – DIVAS DIVISION. 5:15 WAS TOO LONG FOR ROMAN’S REIGN. TRIPLE H WILL WIN – WE HOPE.
US CHAMPIONSHIP – COULD RYBACK REALISTICALLY LOSE TO KALISTO? WE DON’T THINK SO, BUT EITHER WAY, IT’S NOT SO THRILLING. HAVING THE BIG GUY BEAT UP ON A MIDGET IS NOT SO GRATIFYING.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP – GOOD WAY TO ACCELERATE SOME NXT TALENT – WE THINK THAT SAMI ZAYN OR ZACH RYDER WILL WIN. WOO WOO WOO.
LESNAR v. AMBROSE – WE DON’T SEE HOW LESNAR COULD LOSE. IT WOULD DETRACT FROM HIS STATURE. SINCE IT’S A PPV, WE EXPECT LESNAR TO BLADE.
DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP – CHARLOTTE DOESN’T LOSE. SHE’S RICK FLAIR’S DAUGHTER. BECKY IS THE ONLY DIVA WITH TALENT AND TECHNIQUE, BUT THE CREATIVE TEAM DOESN’T CARE.
USOS v. DUDLEYS – USO’s WIN. EXPECT TABLES, THOUGH.
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS – NEW DAY ROCKS, BUT THE HEELS HAVE TO WIN TOO. WE PREDICT THE LEAGUE WINS THIS ONE.
TOTAL DIVAS V. B.A.D. AND BLONDE – WE DON’T CARE.
STLYES v. JERICHO – STYLES.
ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL RUMBLE – BRAUN STROWMAN. HE NEEDS TO BECOME MORE PROMINENT. THE WYATT FAMILY IS HOLDING HIM BACK. WE WANT TO SEE STROWMAN v. LESNAR AT THE NEXT PPV.
THE FRANCHISE HAS TO BE SUFFERING WITH CENA, ROLLINS, AND RKO ON THE DISABLED LIST. EXPECT TO SEE JOHN CENA, THE ROCK, STONE COLD, AND SOME OTHER SURPRISES. A FEW BLASTS FROM THE PAST WILL GET THE AUDIENCE GOING. AND EXPECT SOME CONTROVERSIES ABOUT REFEREES, RULE DISPUTES, AND THE LIKE.