Fans booed The Authority’s mention of The Royal Rumble, again. The “announcement that would shake the WWE Universe to its core” is that Roman Reigns won The Royal Rumble, but he’s not necessarily going to face Brock Lesnar for the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania. Daniel Bryan will face Rollins tonight; the winner of that match faces Roman Reigns at WWE Fast Lane (available on the WWE Network for the low, low, price of . . .) The winner of that match faces Lesnar for the Championship at Wrestlemania.
Big Show pinned Roman Reigns in the first match, which was mercifully short, due to the two long segments with The Authority.
In another quick match, The Ascension rose to the occasion, beating Gold and Stardust. After losing to The Ascension, Gold and Stardust has some dissension, culminating with Stardust hissing at Golddust. It doesn’t get any scarier than that. Is this a setup for WWE to break up this Tag Team?
Cena re-introduced Ryback, Ziggler, and Rowan to RAW, after their fake terminations by The Authority. Ryback pinned Harper. Cesaro pinned Jimmy Uso, perhaps as a part of an upcoming rivalry between the Usos and Cesaro and Tyson Kidd – the most boring, vanilla wrestlers in the WWE.
Miz fired Mizdow from being a stunt double and appointed him as his personal assistant. The most entertaining concept we’ve seen in a while – Mizdow as a stunt double – might be over. Makes perfect sense.
Rowan complains to Cena about being treated like an animal. Maybe it has something to do with the goat mask?
Wyatt beat Dolph Ziggler with a Sister Abigail, of course.
Paige, the Gothic, Unholy Ghost, pinned Alicia Fox, and then the Bellas sprayed Paige with tanning spray. Not enough tanning spray.
Sin Cara pinned the Miz as the Miz was distracted by Mizdow taking off his glasses.
In the Main Event, Daniel Bryan pinned Seth Rollins. This enables a fan favorite Face to compete against Roman Reigns at WWE Fast Lane.
Our FEED ME MORE Award goes to Dean Ambrose for finally throwing Curtis Axel over the top rope and “eliminating” him from The Royal Rumble.
Our FEED ME MORON Award goes to Rowan for wearing a goat mask, but not wanting to be treated like an animal.