The night began with RKO returning to the ring with the microphone. The Authority tried to recruit him. Booker T. said, “Randy is a man that walks to the beat of his own drummer.” He meant to say that he marches to the beat of his own drum. Can someone give this guy a script?
In the first match, Bad News Barrett wrestled Ziggler, while R-Truth provided commentary. Ziggler overacted, as usual, and pinned BNB after a Zig Zag. Dean Ambrose walked into the ring with the Intercontinental Belt he stole from BNB after he lost to BNB at WWE FASTLANE.
In a quick segment, Stephanie McMahon persuaded Orton and Rollins to shake hands, as a prelude to Rollins and Orton v. Bryan and Reigns.
In Tag Team Oblivion, The Ascension wrestled the Prime Time Players – Titus O’Neil and Darren Young. The Prime Time Players handed The Ascension their first loss. No one cares.
In a long segment, Daniel Bryan paid homage to Roman Reigns, and Paul Heyman, the corpulent advocate for Brock Lesnar, attempted to intimidate Reigns. It backfired, as Heyman retreated to the locker room – walking backwards.
The USOs had a Tag Team Match against Tyson Kidd and Cesaro. The Usos won on a disqualification. But since the USOs didn’t win by pin or submission, Tyson Kidd and Cesaro retain the Tag Team title, a rule which makes no sense to us.
Bray Wyatt had a spooky, pre-taped segment where he was talking to an empty coffin. Yawn.
Stardust wrestled Jack Swagger. When Goldust showed up, it distracted Stardust, who then submitted to Swagger’s Patriot Lock.
Fred Flintstone look alike John Cena had a segment breaking down his loss to Rusev at WWE FAST LANE. Rusev and Lana then taunted Cena. Cena demanded a rematch at Wrestlemania, but Rusev refused.
Orton and Rollins had a quick backstage segment.
In a Divas match that lasted less than a minute The Bellas beat Emma and Paige.
Curtis Axel claimed he’s still in the Royal Rumble, which ended about a month ago. Ryback entered the ring to wrestle Axel and pinned him quickly, after a shellshock. Ryback stated that he would be “the last standing man” (rather than the last man standing) at the Andre the Giant Royal Rumble.
In the Main Event, Bryan pinned Rollins after Reigns disabled him with a Superman Punch as a counter to Rollins attempted curbstomp.
RKO returned to ring to RKO a member of J&J Security.
Our FEED ME MORE Award goes to RKO for returning to the ring, with a few RKO’s out of nowhere.
Our FEED ME MORON Award goes to Curtis Axel for continuing to bloviate about The Royal Rumble and continuing to lose.