The first segment had a canned interview with Randy Orton, proudly saying how he set up Seth Rollins last week. Then, Rollins (flanked by J&J Security), Big Show, and Kane were in the ring listening to Rollins complain about Orton’s betrayal. He accused The Viper of being sociopathic. In a moment of transparent insincerity combined with poor acting, Big Show apologized to Rollins. This was followed by apologies from Kane and Jamie Noble. Joey Mercury was too sad – sniff, sniff – to apologize.
Orton came out to accept the challenge of a match between him and Rollins, foreshadowing their match at Wrestlemania. The Main Event was set up.
Nikki Bella pinned AJ Lee, while Brie Bella and Paige, the Unholy Ghost, tussled outside the ring.
Kane and Big Show bickered during an interview about who would be in Rollins’ corner during his match with Orton. When Kane said he decided Big Show would be at ringside, Big Show, sounding like a whiny housewife, complained that Kane “never talks to him about anything.” I think they need couples counseling.
Ryback (who looks like Shrek) pinned The Miz. As Mizdow was helping The Miz after the match, the Miz delivered a skull crushing finale to Mizdow. Are they setting up a match between The Miz and Mizdow at Wrestlemania?
For the 10th week in a row, we’ve seen the return of the “Sheamus Returns” promos. His current scheduled return date appears to be “Never.”
Cena (Fred Flintstone) gave some jingoistic talk concerning his upcoming match against US Champion Rusev – the Bulgarian who pretends to be from Russia. Cena stated that the contract is “a declaration of independence and Wrestlemania is the revolution.” (Vince, please discipline whoever wrote that line).
Rusev entered dressed in a suit (holding the belt), flanked by a short white man wearing orange tinted glasses. Turns out, this man was Mr. Rusev’s (fake) attorney, and JBL correctly noted that the short white man “is not Lana.” Way to go JBL. The announcing team had fun with the fake Russian attorney, asking if he were a parking attendant, from Des Moines Community Theater, or from the cast of Scooby Doo. Rusev trashed the USA, of course, and then signed the contract to fight Cena at Wrestlemania.
The New Day wrestled Tyson Kidd and Cesaro while Los Matadores watched. Cesaro pinned The New Day, and then El Torito somehow threw Cesaro out of the ring.
J&J Security quit Rollins’ team, threatening to leave Rollins all alone against Orton.
Big Show gave Rowan a beat down before their scheduled match.
In a Battle Royal, Mark Henry was a late entrant and won. He will enter the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.
Paul Heyman loudly advocated for Brock Lesnar. Roman Reigns defended himself.
In a six man Tag Team Match, Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, and Dolph Ziggler (with his fake tan) wrestled Stardust, Luke Harper, and Bad News Barrett. As usual R-Truth was a commentator, with the stolen Intercontinental Belt, in what JBL calls “a felony.” Ambrose pinned BNB in one of the most entertaining matches we’ve seen in a while. The participants then rumbled over the Intercontinental Belt, which went from R-Truth to Stardust to Ambrose to another melee and then back to its rightful owner – BNB. Our advice – leave the belt at home, BNB.
Rollins, talking to Triple H, lamented all the defections from his camp. Rollins even trash talked Triple H.
In the Main Event, Rollins entered the ring, surrounded by the entire Authority Team, and J&J Security. Orton was gravely outnumbered, but then the lights went out, Sting appeared, and Orton and Sting beat down The Authority.
Our FEED ME MORE award goes to Sting, for a dramatic appearance and rescue of Randy Orton.
Our FEED ME MORON award goes to the anonymous attorney for Rusev. The last time we saw orange tinted glasses was on someone wearing a leisure suit at Studio 54.