THE ROYAL RUMBLE – 2017
Below is the card, and our picks, for the 2017 Royal Rumble
SHEAMUS and CESARO v. The BULLET CLUB (GALLOWS and ANDERSON)
We are picking Sheamus and Cesaro, who are, pound for pound, the most boring Tag Team in WWE.
NIA JAX v. SASHA BANKS
We’re going with Sasha Banks – not for any particular reason. We really don’t care who wins.
BLISS/JAMES/NATALYA v. LYNCH/BELLA/NAOMI
We’re picking the heels – Bliss, James, and Natalya. And would Natalya still be wrestling if she weren’t a Hart?
RICH SWAN v. NEVILLE
Neville. They should reinvigorate the high-flying acrobat.
CHARLOTTE v. BAYLEY
The crowd loves Bayley, but you can never go wrong betting on Charlotte. She’s a Flair.
KEVIN OWENS v. ROMAN REIGNS
Roman Reigns is supposed to be a Face, but gets booed; that says enough. Reigns lacks talent, ability, technique, and can barely talk. Maybe, he can join BIG SHOW in retirement.
STYLES v. CENA
Let’s Go Cena. He’s overdue for a PPV victory. This should be the best match of the night.
THE MAIN EVENT – THE ROYAL RUMBLE
Some possible “unannounced” entrants – SHINSUKE NAKAMURA, FINN BAYLOR, SAMOA JOE, SHANE McMAHON, ZACH RYDER.
Our pick to win – RKO (outta nowhere).
The show began with repeat footage from Monday’s Fallout show – footage which was repeated several times on Monday Night RAW after it happened. Michael Cole and JBL allegedly had surgery from Lesna’r’s violent rage. But they’ll be back Monday. Which one will have a (fake) neck brace? Mike Phillips filled in for Michael Cole. Continue reading THE SMACK ON SMACKDOWN – April 2, 2015 (Fresno, CA)
In the Battle Royal, Big Show prevailed. The Giant won Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. But we’ll find out on Monday Night Raw what the future is for The Miz and Mizdow. When The Miz ordered his personal assistant, Mizdow, to leave the ring, Mizdow rebelled and eliminated The Miz. Mizdow was the last man eliminated from the Battle Royal. It would have been a miracle if Mizdow won, but JBL said that, “Miracles don’t work with Giants.” We’re not sure what that means. The Creative Team has some drama – perhaps a feud – planned for The Miz and Mizdow. Continue reading WRESTLEMANIA XXXI – March 29, 2015 (Santa Clara, CA)
The show began with Rollins taunting Jon Stewart. Roman Reigns entered, and then he and Rollins taunted each other. Reigns punched Rollins and then Superman punched and speared J&J Security.
Randy Orton encouraged Rollins to ask The Authority for a match with Reigns.
The night began with a six man Tag Team match – Ziggler, Rowan, and Ryback wrestling Rollins, Kane, and Big Show – The Babyfaces vs. The Heels.
Announcer Michael Cole discussed the fact that these three Faces were previously terminated by The Authority, and stated that if you’re abused by the boss, you can go to Human Resources, but in the WWE, disputes are settled in the ring. Cole is absolutely right, except for the fact that the disputes and the matches are all fake in the WWE. Continue reading LIFE IN THE WWE FASTLANE – February 22, 2015 (Memphis, TN)
The show started with Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz. The Miz claims to have “made” Daniel Bryan. Before the match, The Miz, acting like King Tut, told Mizdow, now his personal assistant, to retrieve an Egyptian cotton towel for him. The Miz submitted to Bryan (he threw in the towel) after a Yes! lock. Continue reading THE SMACK ON SMACKDOWN – February 19, 2015 (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
Sadly, they began RAW by giving the microphone to Roman Reigns. Reigns taunted Bryan, who taunted Reigns, and then Stephanie McMahon taunted both. She criticized Bryan for stuffing Kane into a casket during a Casket Match, in which the rules required that the winner stuff the loser into a casket because it’s a Casket Match. The Authority made the rules, and then criticized Bryan for following them. Continue reading RAW BRAWDCAST, February 9, 2015 (Columbus, Ohio)
Fans booed The Authority’s mention of The Royal Rumble, again. The “announcement that would shake the WWE Universe to its core” is that Roman Reigns won The Royal Rumble, but he’s not necessarily going to face Brock Lesnar for the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania. Daniel Bryan will face Rollins tonight; the winner of that match faces Roman Reigns at WWE Fast Lane (available on the WWE Network for the low, low, price of . . .) The winner of that match faces Lesnar for the Championship at Wrestlemania.