THE ROYAL RUMBLE – January 25, 2015

The Ascension beat the Old Age Outlaws.  Last week, they won a squash against 5′ foureignors; this time they beat a couple of old men. This should give them lots of momentum.  We hope their NeXT match is on NXT.

Mizdow remains a fan favorite, despite Miz & Mizdow losing to the Usos.

Paige, the unholy ghost – in dire need of a tanning salon – teamed up with Natalya to wrestle the Bella Twins.  The Twins won, if anyone cares.

Big Show complained that Brock Lesnar made him “look mortal.”  Not difficult to do with a guy who’s lost almost all of his matches, lately.

Brock Lesnar, with a fake broken rib, broke away from the fake paramedics, to win his Triple Threat Match and retain his World Heavyweight Championship.

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In THE ROYAL RUMBLE,

It’s every man for himself.  Miz tried to prevent Mizdow from entering The Royal Rumble.  Mizdow was forced to break character as a Stunt Double and enter the Rumble alone. He achieved 15 seconds of fame before a quick elimination.

According to Jerry The King Lawler, the Boogeyman “made a name for himself” by eating earthworms.  Huh?

Good catch by the Rosebuds to save Kofi Kingston.  Too bad they couldn’t catch their boss, Adam Rose, who lasted about a minute.

Rusev pulled a cheap one by rolling out of the ring and returning when only Roman Reigns was left.  Not sure if he missed a cue, but he was quickly chucked out by Roman Reigns.

Roman Reigns won, apparently, but Curtis Axel was never eliminated, since he never got inside the ring.  Being thrown around by a guy with a goat mask is not an elimination.

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Our FEED ME MORE award goes to Brock Lesnar for more than a dozen suplexes during the Triple Threat Match.

Our FEED ME MORON award goes to the Rose Garden, for rescuing Kofi Kingston, but not their boss – Adam Rose.

The tension has resolved, and now it’s back to trash talk and segments to build more tension before the next pay-per-view – WWE FAST LANE.