THE ROYAL RUMBLE – January 25, 2015

The Ascension beat the Old Age Outlaws.  Last week, they won a squash against 5′ foureignors; this time they beat a couple of old men. This should give them lots of momentum.  We hope their NeXT match is on NXT.

Mizdow remains a fan favorite, despite Miz & Mizdow losing to the Usos.

Paige, the unholy ghost – in dire need of a tanning salon – teamed up with Natalya to wrestle the Bella Twins.  The Twins won, if anyone cares.

Big Show complained that Brock Lesnar made him “look mortal.”  Not difficult to do with a guy who’s lost almost all of his matches, lately.

Brock Lesnar, with a fake broken rib, broke away from the fake paramedics, to win his Triple Threat Match and retain his World Heavyweight Championship.



It’s every man for himself.  Miz tried to prevent Mizdow from entering The Royal Rumble.  Mizdow was forced to break character as a Stunt Double and enter the Rumble alone. He achieved 15 seconds of fame before a quick elimination.

According to Jerry The King Lawler, the Boogeyman “made a name for himself” by eating earthworms.  Huh?

Good catch by the Rosebuds to save Kofi Kingston.  Too bad they couldn’t catch their boss, Adam Rose, who lasted about a minute.

Rusev pulled a cheap one by rolling out of the ring and returning when only Roman Reigns was left.  Not sure if he missed a cue, but he was quickly chucked out by Roman Reigns.

Roman Reigns won, apparently, but Curtis Axel was never eliminated, since he never got inside the ring.  Being thrown around by a guy with a goat mask is not an elimination.


Our FEED ME MORE award goes to Brock Lesnar for more than a dozen suplexes during the Triple Threat Match.

Our FEED ME MORON award goes to the Rose Garden, for rescuing Kofi Kingston, but not their boss – Adam Rose.

The tension has resolved, and now it’s back to trash talk and segments to build more tension before the next pay-per-view – WWE FAST LANE.