The show began with Daniel Bryan and his Yes! chant. His first words were, “No. No. No.” Eventually, the crowd chanted, “No, No, No.” Bad News Barrett entered the ring, lamenting the fact that Dean Ambrose stole his Intercontinental Belt. Dean Ambrose entered with the belt and attacked BNB. Ambrose kept the stolen Belt.
The Miz entered, without Mizdow, to wrestle Ambrose. The crowd immediately chanted, “We want Mizdow.” While Ambrose was wrestling, BNB recovered his Intercontinental Belt. Ambrose pinned Mizdow.
While being interviewed by Rene, (whom he referred to as “Blondie”), BNB referred to Daniel Bryan as “a goat.” I thought Erick Rowan is the one who wears the goat mask.
Natalya pinned Alicia Fox, while The Usos thrashed Tyson Kidd and Cesaro outside the ring.
Rusev (the Bulgarian pretending to be the Hero of the Russian Federation) addressed the crowd with his fake Russian accent. Imagine that – something fake in the WWE. Lana then read a fake email from Vladimir Putin. Jack Swagger came out, lisping at Rusev. After beating up Rusev, Swagger fell prey to an Accolade, to the backdrop of the Russian flag.
R-Truth was a commentator while BNB wrestled Daniel Bryan. R-Truth was talking about fatback. He claimed BNB offered him a ‘crumpet’ backstage, and that he had to invest in Rosetta stone to understand BNB’s British accent. R-Truth also claimed that he didn’t lie, steal, or cheat in school – he was an honorable straight D student, and he went to school for Thief Theology. He also said that Daniel Bryan looked like a chicken dipped in Rogaine. Anyway, Bryan pinned BNB, and R-Truth, despite his self-proclaimed honesty, stole BNB’s Intercontinental Belt. Despite 3 straight losses, BNB remains the Intercontinental Champion. R-Truth gave the stolen belt back to Ambrose, who originally stole the belt.
In a pre-taped segment, Roman Reigns stated he hates hearing the word “Can’t.” Sorry, Roman, but you “Can’t” act. To prepare for the match, Reigns said he’d watch tapes of Brock Lesnar and talk to his family for advice. That’s a lot of preparation for a fake match where all he has to do is follow the scripted choreography.
Curtis Axel appeared, claiming to be in the Royal Rumble for the longest time ever, since he was never eliminated. While the clock behind him said 32 days, 00 hours, 7 minutes, and 30 seconds, Axel incorrectly stated that he was in the ring for 32 hours (not days), 7 minutes, and 30 seconds. Axel can’t even read a clock correctly. And then he was pinned by Fandango. Send this guy back to NXT.
The Miz took over Mizdow’s commercial shoot.
Adam Rose (flanked by the Rosebuds) wrestled Goldust. Byron Saxton claimed that Stardust reminded him of Muhammed Ali. Michael Cole stated how ridiculous that is. On his way out of the ring, Goldust was attacked by a Rosebud. Turns out the Rosebud was Stardust in his leather Stardust outfit, in a Rosebud costume. Must have been hot in there.
Bray Wyatt had a pre-taped spooky segment. He wants a match with The Undertaker.
In the Main Event, Rygack, Ziggler, and Rowan wrestled Kane, Rollins, and Big Show for a Fast Lane rematch. The announcers complimented Big Show as a spokesman for The Authority. Makes me think they weren’t listening. Anyway, Ryback pinned Rollins, and the Faces won.
Our FEED ME MORE Award goes to R-Truth for his colorful commentary during the Bryan/BNB match.
Our FEED ME MORON Award is a tie between Roman Reigns, for his terrible acting, and Curtis Axel for . . . everything he does.