THE SMACK ON SMACKDOWN – March 5, 2015 (Washington, D.C.)

Smackdown started with Dolph Ziggler walking out with the new white and gold (or is it black and blue?) Intercontinental Belt.  Overactor Ziggler said that winning the Intercontinental Belt “changed his life.” Jerry the King Lawler called Bad News Barret another Kanye West. Luke Harper then attacked Ziggler and stopped BNB from taking  back his title. A brawl ensued between Ziggler, Barrett, Harper, and Dean Ambrose.  R-Truth took advantage of the distraction, slithered in the ring, and stole the Belt while no one was looking – no one but the cameras, audience, and announcers, that is.  

Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (and Natalya) had their usual awkward entrance with their odd entrance music – a siren.  They wrestled Los Matadores (jobbers) and, predictably, Kidd and Cesaro won.

Ryback – dressed in green, and resembling Shrek – wrestled Kane.  Ryback pinned Kane after a meathook clothesline.  Then, Kane told Big Show to wrestle Ryback, and Big Show beat him with a Knockout Punch.  Kane and Big Show announced that they will wrestle in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Bray Wyatt talked to an urn in another smoky segment.

AJ Lee wrestled Brie Bella.  Nikki Bella and Paige looked on.  AJ Lee won by submission with a Black Widow.

The New Day wrestled The Miz and Mizdow. Mizdow beat up Kingston, to the crowd’s delight, before being tagged out by The Miz. The Miz, distracted by yelling at Mizdow, was then pinned quickly.

They showed a video promo of Lesnar in which he explained, like a kindergarten teacher, how his main objective is to beat people up.  What a surprise.  In an interview by Byron Saxton, Roman Reigns explained that he will be hurt by Brock Lesnar.

Jerry the King Lawler asked Saxton how to pronounce Moscow during a match between Swagger and Rusev. Saxton responded by saying “The point is; I don’t think I need to help Rusev and Lana as they drive home their point.” Jerry the King Lawler repeated his question, and Saxton and Cole ignored him. Jerry The King said, “There are no cows in Russia.” Cole said “I know.”  (I bet there are no cows in Myanmar, either).  Rusev wrestled Swagger and Swagger passed out from an Accolade.

In a promo, Curtis Axel challenged Rusev to a match on Raw.

In the Main Event, Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler wrestled Bad News Barrett and Luke Harper. R-Truth announced. R-Truth repeatedly mentioned his fear of ladders and explained how he’d prefer a footstool match.  Ziggler pinned Harper after a ZigZag. BNB and Harper attempted to get the belt from R-Truth, but R-Truth gifted it to Daniel Bryan. Stardust attacked Bryan and left with the Belt after stating that he’d join the ladder match.

Our FEED ME MORE award goes to Stardust, for taking the Intercontinental Belt, without even wrestling.

Our FEED ME MORON award goes to Bray Wyatt for repeated, pre-taped smoky segments where he talks to inanimate objects – a coffin and an urn, so far.