WRESTLEMANIA XXXI – March 29, 2015 (Santa Clara, CA)

In the Battle Royal, Big Show prevailed. The Giant won Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. But we’ll find out on Monday Night Raw what the future is for The Miz and Mizdow. When The Miz ordered his personal assistant, Mizdow, to leave the ring, Mizdow rebelled and eliminated The Miz. Mizdow was the last man eliminated from the Battle Royal. It would have been a miracle if Mizdow won, but JBL said that, “Miracles don’t work with Giants.” We’re not sure what that means. The Creative Team has some drama – perhaps a feud – planned for The Miz and Mizdow.

In the Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Belt, ladders and bodies were flying. Luke Harper, resembling a drunken Civil War officer, threw Dean Ambrose out of the ring and into a ladder. It was unclear whether the real paramedics or fake paramedics were tending to Ambrose. JBL noted that Stardust was “cut in half” during the match.

Dolph Ziggler sported a ponytail. Jerry the King Lawler reported that “Daniel Bryan is the only one left EIEIO.” Not sure what that meant but, shortly thereafter, Bryan won the match.

Randy Orton was able to RKO Rollins out of a curb stomp. According to JBL, it was “the best RKO we’ve ever seen.” The Apex Predator defeated Rollins.

In the Senior Section, with a combined age over 100 between the two participants, Triple H battled Sting. As Sting’s makeup was running, JBL referred to him as a “minnow in a friggin’ ocean.” Speaking of Seniors, DeGeneration X and the NWO entered the ring. Must have made Sting and Triple H feel young. Ultimately, Triple H won – which is rare for him at Wrestlemania. They shook hands afterward. Maybe Sting turns heel? We’ll see how this develops.

Rusev, the Bulgarian, processed in a tank with fake Russians who couldn’t even goose step properly. During the match, Rusev plowed into Lana, knocking her off the apron, and then Cena pinned Rusev after an AA – the first time Rusev was ever pinned in WWE history.

While Stephanie McMahon and Triple H were trash talking the crowd, The Rock appeared (after being on Saturday Night Live the previous night). Stephanie McMahon slapped and chased The Rock out of the ring, telling The Rock that he wouldn’t “hit a woman.” The Rock returned with Ronda Rousey, a female UFC Champion, who would “hit a woman.” The Rock attacked Triple H and then Ronda Rousey flipped Triple H out of the ring, and then she attacked Stephanie McMahon who fled the ring. JBL exclaimed that Ronda Rousey “should be sued for what she did.” You can’t sue someone for following a script in a fake match, though.

Bray Wyatt and The Undertaker had over the top entrances. Wyatt attacked The Undertaker before the match began and before it was announced. The referee made sure the bell was rung afterward, as the match continued, but it was never announced. It took two Tombstone Piledrivers for The Undertaker to win.

In the Main Event, Lesnar repeatedly suplexed Reigns – about 10 times. Lesnar was bleeding from the beginning of the match. He manhandled Reigns, with at least 3 F-5’s. Reigns reversed momentum by slamming Lesnar into a post. With Lesnar a bloody mess, Reigns landed 3 Superman punches and 2 spears. JBL stated that “they may need medical attention for Paul Heyman.” As Reigns and Lesnar lay motionless in the ring, Rollins ran in and opportunistically cashed in his Money in the Bank contract. It became a Triple Threat match, and Rollins pinned Reigns, to become the World Heavyweight Champion. A true Wrestlemania moment.

Our FEED ME MORE award goes to Rollins for perfect timing.

Our FEED ME MORON award goes to The Miz. He finally got what he deserved from Mizdow.